Anorexia With Guidelines!

So it has been almost two weeks since surgery. I haven't had any complications yet. The only thing that I am experiencing is hunger.. I have none... I don't want to eat, don't care to eat. It concerned me a little bit, but then I called my doctor today and he said just to do protein shakes if I am not going to eat and to make sure I get the full 64 oz of water down a day... Which I have been very successful at doing so... But the other night my friend and I were talking and she had stated that this surgery seems like Anorexia, but with guidelines. Because I simply don't want to eat. But I get vitamins and water down. I make sure I have nutrients. But it's in a way not like anorexia at all.... I actually want to eat but don't have the appetitie. Well, my bored eating has officially gone away and I am super bored in my home with nothing to do. I think I have watched all the movies on netflix that I can stand. I try to get out of the house atleast once a day. I think it is helping out. I am tired of water and decaf teas.... But just two months for all this, I am in detox stages right now to get rid of the sugar out of my system... You never know how much you are going to miss something once you cannot have it... I am doing great though, next week I go in for my check up and permission to return to work on the 12th. I am excited.

Not At All What I Expected

IT'S BETTER!!!!!!!!!! I didn't think I would be feeling good after surgery at all, I thought it was going to be a lot of dumping (for those who don't know what dumping syndrome is, it's where you throw up and have diarrhea a lot) and lots and lots of pain! I feel fantastic. I bounced out of recovery like a champ. I got up about an hour after they delivered me to my room to go to the bathroom. I think I got up about 2 or 3 times until I was out of the anesthesia. Then about 5 hours after surgery I got up and walked around the ward where I was admitted into after surgery. I would walk alot and not slowly. All the nurses would tell me that I didn't even look like I had surgery. Ever thing emotionally was fine for the first 3 days. But when I was discharged and went home I went a little over emotional and kinda crazy, it had to do with the pain meds and some even think the anesthesia had a play in it as well. I was mean and not myself to people who I would talk to regularly. Well I am proud to say that I have been off my pain meds since Monday 8/22/2011. I never want to go back on them again. As of Tuesday 8/23/2011 I have been able to eat real food. I am excited about that because broth and sugar free jello are on the bottom of my list for the rest of my life!

The surgeon said that I saved my own life. My liver had been so enlarged that it would have gone into failure at a fairly young age and I would have died if I didn't do this surgery. I am very happy that I made the decision to get this surgery. It's a life change for the better.

How Did It Arrive So Fast?

I cannot believe that I only have one and a half work days left and then I will be done with work for three weeks. I am prepared, but then again I am not prepared. It's a reality finally coming into play. Last August, when I went home to see my mom and dad, my mom asked me to look into the surgery, Mike's aunt took my blood sugar which wound up being extremely high for average, and then not being able to partake on a couple activities that his family went and did while we were on vacation in Montana all because of my weight were all factors in why I decided to get the weight loss surgery. I want my life back and this disease is taking over it. I want to be able to go horseback ridding and not have to worry that I am "over the limit" or looked at in another weird way because I am abnormally huge.

I really didn't think that when I set out looking into the surgery that I would actually go through it. I thought it was expensive, afraid my insurance wouldn't cover it, and get lot of judgement because I was making a decision to alter my life..... Well one of those three were wrong.... it's still expensive, and I got very harsh judgement for deciding what is right for me. My insurance is definitely going to cover it.

I was able to pick my own insurance plan, building it to where my out of pocket is going to be only $1,500 for the enrollment year, I am completely happy with that price tag. I took out an Flexible Spending Account where I put $1,500 on it so I can just tell the hospital to take it all and be done with it. And have the money taken out of my paycheck. I recommend FSA's to anyone who has the option to use one. They are a blessing in disguise.

The harsh judgement I had was from someone who is close to me. I couldn't believe that she was the one who would judge me so hard because she had struggled with weight as much as me. A few people from support group thought she was jealous and didn't have the means of getting surgery. Who knows? I finally had to not talk to her about surgery because I felt it's not her decision, she is not going to talk me out of it, and for all the people she has talked out of it, I would love to talk to them and tell them to reconsider, she doesn't know your medical history, she's not a doctor. All she knows is that yes with hard work you lose weight, if you need extra help by all means look into something that is going to help you, use your own judgement, not someone else's. She really put a lot of stress on me. I hated talking to her. I still kinda do. It's none of her business if I get this surgery. I am doing this to prevent health problems and get rid of my existing health problems. She was the reason why I am not really putting a lot of detail on my Facebook about my surgery. I don't need the harsh judgement.

Mentally, I am ready in more ways then not ready. I was sitting talking to my friend at work today and we were looking at the guide that my surgeon's office gave me for my handbook for the surgery, and it occurred to me.... HOLY COW my stomach is going to be in pieces. OMG!!!!!! Surprisingly, I am not excited about it one bit.... I am ready for the surgery, I am happy I am getting the surgery. But I don't know if I am psyching myself out because I am so ready for this.

I am one for buyers remorse for even buying an item. I think I got my remorse out a couple weeks ago with the surgery. Support groups have helped so much. I am glad that I have gone to the ones that are provided by my surgeons office and joined an online club. I am a strong person and I know that I am going to do very very well.

One More Week

As of today it's exactly 7 days until I am laying on that table and changing my life for good. I can't believe how fast it has gone. It snuck up on me. Well, I am prepared. Everyone is asking me are you nervous, are you scared? My answer, no I am not right now, I just want it to be here and be done and back to work. I am looking forward to it. I don't know if it's hit me yet or if I am just not the typical person who gets worked up. Last night I did have some emotions but it was because I was overwhelmed with work and realized that I am oh so close. I ordered the chicken broth from Bariactric Advantage to help with the first week of NO SOLID FOOD. It arrived last night  I hope I can cope. I think I will be fine.


I wanted to find an online support group. I cannot make it to everyone that my surgeon's office holds twice a month, I got it cleared at work to leave early so I can make it to every third wednesday of the month's meeting. The group I found online is AMAZING!!! Bariactric Bad Girls Club is amazing and lead by Melting Mama, who seems to be an awesome person. I am looking forward to continue to have them in my online family for support since all these wonderful women (and few brave men) went through exactly what I am going through next week. I know they are going to be knowledgable and and help me through some things that my doctor and boyfriend cannot help with.


Last week I went to my pre op appointment. I met my pre op weightloss goal. I am still trying to lose more because why stop now? I have worked so hard up until now, and then quit, NO WAY JOSE! They told me that my UA (urine analysis) came back with "bugs" and blood, I have the Mirena that makes me spot and that's why the blood was in there. So they told me that I needed to redo the UA, I went to go do this Monday morning and they told me at the labs that it was going to be a long time before they could get to me and I told them that I have to pee. Well I went to go pee, I couldn't pee. SO they gave me a cup to go pee in at work and I could drop it off at my lunch. Well I called my doctor's office and told them that I am getting upset and that do I really need to do the UA. And that's when my emotions got the best of me at that point. I cannot just take off from work to get something done, I have to request paid time off. So I spoke with the Nurse Practitionor and she told me not to worry about it and my emotions went away really fast. I think I was having issues because I was afraid that I wasn't going to be able to get the surgery because I couldn't do the UA.


I feel good about my decision, I am not going to change it. I am excited for my life change and it's something that I have future goals and I am going to achieve those goals.

My Story~*~ Prologue~*~ My Past and Present

This is where my story begins. Every story has to begin somewhere, right? I have decided to improve my life by getting the Gastric Bypass surgery on August 17, 2011. But to explain more about myself and the journey, we need to go back to way long ago. So sit tight and enjoy the ride.

Well to start off my early life was great. My childhood was very active. I am the youngest of four kids. One older half sister, Patti, one older brother, Derek, and one full sister, Ashle. Derek, Ashle, and I were raised in a small town at the base of the Rocky Mountains called Simms, Montana. My parents, Ed and Sharon, were amazing parents. We couldn't of had better parents. They were strict, but also taught us many valuable lessons in what was right and what was wrong. We were also raised to have the values of hard work, trust, honesty, truth, and to be a good Christian. The biggest belief of my family was hard work. Work for everything you want, never expect a hand out. Hard work always came with a reward. To this day I still value hard work and honesty. Not many people recognize those values and beliefs.

My weight has affected me all my life. From the beginning I didn't have a weight problem. It started around age eight. I honestly don't remember what started the weight gain. My brother, Derek, was heavy for as long as I could remember, but active in football and wrestling. My sister, Ashle, she was heavy from day one and has struggled with weight all her life. She was a very good athlete and amazing basketball player and volleyball player as well as an honor roll student for all four years of high school. They were also both very popular in high school, Derek had won homecoming king his senior year of high school, while Ashle was the student body vice president her junior year and then later for her senior year was student body president and homecoming queen. Patti, from what I can remember she didn't struggle with her weight until she had her kids. My father has always been skinny, he does have a small tummy, but that's probably from my mom's wonderful cooking. My mom has always struggled with her weight. I remember when I was little going to a couple Weight Watchers meetings with her, and then watching her in the kitchen measure out potato chips on her scale so she could control our portions. Later in life I was talking to her and she told me that she had lost so much weight and went under her recommended weight that Weight Watchers thought she was anorexic. I honestly think that Derek's, Ashle's, and my weight problems stemmed from our mother's side, my grandmother, aunts, and uncle struggled. One aunt went up and down with her weight, I remember her being skinny then getting really heavy and the back down again.

Grade school was really rough for me since that's when I was developing in to a young woman. I started gaining weight around age 8. I was made fun of a lot, I think my weight played a huge role in the popularity contest in the small school I went to. I hated going to school. I really didn't have friends until I made it to Middle School. In Middle School, I decided to try out for cheerleading. Sports weren't my thing, I hated every aspect of basketball and volleyball even though my dad tried to have two all star basketball players, he only got one. But I remember getting off the bus before try outs and this girl told me that I am too fat and ugly to become a cheerleader, she and I got into a HUGE physical fight. I went home and looked at my self in the mirror and punched the mirror several times and broke it. I tried out and didn't make the cut. I wasn't hurt but I would have liked to at least participate. My parents did keep me busy during the summers with acting camps and 4-H. I had pigs and steers. My sister and I stuck with 4-H together until I was a senior in high school.

When high school came about, it was a different ball game. Hormones raging, awkwardness, and so close to becoming an adult. It drove probably my whole class insane. Well, Freshman year I finally got my dream of becoming a cheerleader, no not a varsity cheerleader, I was on the junior varsity squad. I loved it. I was still heavy but not too horribly chunky. I had my first crush, but he didn't like me so much.... I don't think he likes me too much to this day! I think my weight had a big part in him not liking me too much either. I also participated in Track and Field, it wasn't my strong point, but hey at least I tried it. My Sophomore year, still struggling with my weight, I decided not to try out for cheerleading, instead I was a mime in speech and drama. My act was about a doctor doing open heart surgery and leaving some tools inside of my patient after I had sewed them up. It got a lot of laughs. Junior year came. I was the school mascot. The Tiger!!!!!!!!!!!!! I didn't get along with a few of my squad mates so that only lasted one season, which was special to me since Ashle was a senior that year, I got to be part of her senior year basketball season. My senior year I went back to Speech and Drama. This time I was in a humorous duo with an amazing partner, we won several second place awards and medals, even made it to State competition. As for dating, I had a date to my senior prom, we had a blast. He was from another school and I knew him through Speech and Drama. I was heavy all through high school and didn't really date at all. Just had friends and when I wasn't away and Speech and Drama meets, I was at home on Saturday nights, I really didn't like going out. I think my parents were happy that I stayed home.

As an adult, I went to college for two years and hated it, I didn't want to go to school anymore, I wanted to be DONE! I didn't start officially dating until I was 19. He was in the Air Force, and I thought I was going to marry him and have his babies. It didn't last the long. He was dishonest to me, so we broke up. It sent my into a downward spiral. I didn't care about anything after the relationship ended. I even dropped out of college. But I didn't turn to food, instead I had several one night stands, which I regret all of them to this day. I also think that my weight affected how I looked to employers when I went to a job interview. I would enter the job interview greeted with a sneer, and nothing back from the employer. I gave a great interview as well. I also think it had to do with my performances at work too. I worked as a Certified Nurse Assistant and I was constantly on the move and the weight started coming off. I didn't eat much during that time and was working the night shift. I didn't do anything except work and sleep. Then I got out of being a CNA and started working at Target. I had so much fun there, but I quit to go back and be a CNA, much more money there. I also started looking into going into the Army and lost quite a bit of weight with the help of the Army recruiter. I worked hard and was on the Atkins diet. With working out, on a low carb diet, and all the moving around I was doing as a CNA, I lost a lot of weight fast. Well my mom got sick and I decided not to go into the Army. I wasn't ready and wanted to be there if anything happened to my mom. So I stopped working out and during that time I turned 21. I started drinking a lot and running around with my best friend and not letting my parents know where I was since I was still living at home with them. I started gaining my weight back slowly.

Well by December of 2005 I had met Mike. I fell in love with him and wanted to know more about him and be part of his life. We had a lot of fun together. So we moved in together and got into some trouble in the small town where we lived in Montana. So to get better lives for ourselves we decided to move to Arizona where Mike was raised. It was really hard at first because we had no money and nothing to our names and lived with his mom. I felt his family didn't accept me at first. Now they are amazing, and proud to call them part of my family. But my weight had grown to be over 150 pound gain in about a total of 5 years. I was never depressed, but I didn't have a job for about close to a year and stayed home and ate everything in our house out of boredom and ate out a lot at fast food restaurants. I kept getting lazier and lazier. Until I finally got a job at the place I have been for pretty close to 3 years now. My weight never affected our relationship except during sex (yes I know TMI, but this is all about my weight and what things in my life have affected it.) We do have a very active and healthy sex life, but it got boring because of weight, same thing every time. It became unenjoyable for him.

Some of my major struggles with food and eating have been the cravings, the easy access, and my relationship with Mike. He is my food buddy, we enjoy everything together. We have similar tastes in food. So it's easy to go get a soda and dollar menu for McDonalds and be done with dinner, no dishes, no work, and sitting infront of the TV with him and watching a movie was so easy to just eat our fast food dinner. Another struggle I have had was wanting more of something that tasted so yummy! I just had to have more and more. Why quit when it was so good that it was almost a high? Never once I have ever emotional ate. It's not my thing. Yes chocolate came into play as a comfort food when I needed it. I have always loved healthy food, currently I am learning how to make that more yummy than the junk food that was once my down fall. My struggles have changed over the years only because moving from rural Montana to the big city in Arizona. You have 24 hour access to anything you want. Honestly, not a good thing for someone who struggles with weight. I also found that self control is a hard thing, but you have to be hard on yourself if you want to succeed in anything. And my success with this Surgery is important to me.

My story is going to change after my weight loss because I am not going to be the insecure, chubby girl who was made fun of in high school. I am going to be the confident woman who I should be with or without weightloss surgery. I want my story to change in so many ways. I want to have children and be more active. My goal is to participate in a half marathon. And change my way of life. This is a lifestyle change that I need to do for myself, and no one else. I am not going to change any of my values and beliefs because of this surgery. Hard work always pays. Honest gets you places, if you aren't honest then why even try? I am going to have new values and beliefs to go right along with the ones I already have in place.

My life is really worth living right now is because I am 27, I have my whole life infront of me. I can't wait to start my new chapter in life, bringing Mike with me is going to be even greater. He has changed his ways of living right along with me. It's great to have support. I am looking forward to a better quality of life and living it everyday with Mike.

I am motivated towards my success because I want to live to be 105, have children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. I want a better quality of health and life. I have to be outstanding in my life with my job, dedication to what I want to achieve and knowledge of what I am getting into so I know what's going to be happening to me during my new lifestyle change in order to fulfill my destiny.

So thank you to all my supporters out there. It's going to be hard for me. I am happy to have you as my friends, lover (Mike), and family. Even if I didn't have you guys I'd still do it, but with you along for the ride, it's going to be so much easier!