Stronger

No one ever told me that I would become a stronger person after all my weightloss. I know confidence would have came in, but I have become a stronger person. I have also become to realize that I am becoming a total different person who doesn't know who they are. I feel like I am being held back and not being able to explore my new self. I have realized that I don't want to be where I am now in my life. I want something more. Just stay tuned. There is more to come. I am doing excellent in my journey I have lost really close to 100 pounds.

HEY HEY HEY GOODBYE

Well, I have been in this land called 300 Land for a while. I am offically out of 300 land and into a land I haven't seen for a while, I spent many many years there and will be there for not long because I am wanting to live in Onederland. Currently I reside in 200 land. Which makes me happy, I haven't seen the 2 as the first number on my scale for a while.

I was released Thursday to eat raw vegatables and beef and pork it made me a little excited. I had salad already and is something that I was really excited to try since surgery. I am still not hungry and would rather just not eat. I know I need to eat.

I am doing this for me, but mostly my future. All I gotta say is this is the best decision that I HAVE ever made in my life. I plan to be healthy for the rest of my life I never want to see the number 3 on the scale as the first number again.

SO goodbye 300land hello 200 land. I am only here temporarily as I am moving to ONEDERLAND!

Beer is good, God is Great, and People are CRAZY!!!!

Hey everyone I have been busy busy busy, but here is a before and after pic of me. I don't right now have alot to write, but just wanted to drop by and say I am in a size 22 yaya!! Before surgery I was a size almost 28. So when I put on those 22's, it was kinda very emotional for me! These were taken a few weeks ago so I will update when I am all dollied up with better pictures. Have a safe and happy holiday coming up. I hope you guys are doing well!

Been BUSY BUSY BUSY

I need to appologize, I hate not posting a blog when I say I am going to. I have been really busy with LIFE. I went back to work on September 12, I am glad that I did. I think work was glad to have me back too. I have lost alot already. I don't know the definate number, but we shall say around 50 pounds if not more. One day I was at home bored and I pulled out a pair of jeans that I haven't been able to wear for almost 4 years, guess what? I didn't think they were going to go over my hips, and OMG they did. I have been wearing them for a couple weeks, I hope soon that they won't fit at all and when I put them on that they will fall to the floor!  I feel excellent, today I had so much energy that I didn't know what to do with myself for the first time since surgery. I must be recovering very well for that to happen!

As for food,  CHICKEN is not my friend. I have tried to eat it with some light mayo, anything that would be good "lubrication" to get it down the hatch. Nothing worked and I was throwing it up right away. Seafood is my best friend as long as it is cooked correctly. I am happy to say that I like seafood so it's not a problem for me to eat it and if it stays down it makes me very excited.

My emotions are worse than a pregnant woman's emotions, one minute I will be the happiest person in the world, the next I want to take someone's head off. It's a rollercoaster. They said in time it is supposed to pass.

It's is crazy how someone can be so different before a huge life change and now I am doing amazing and proud of my decision. I plan to succeed. Even though the dietician says you can eat whatever you want, but this is what we want you to eat, I still like to consider that what they want me to eat is all I can eat and nothing more. I make the rules extremer than usual because I need to tell myself that's the rules. I know I will succeed if I follow the "rules" that way.


I will have a before and after pic posted soon so you can see the HUGE change already. I know you will be excited.

Anorexia With Guidelines!

So it has been almost two weeks since surgery. I haven't had any complications yet. The only thing that I am experiencing is hunger.. I have none... I don't want to eat, don't care to eat. It concerned me a little bit, but then I called my doctor today and he said just to do protein shakes if I am not going to eat and to make sure I get the full 64 oz of water down a day... Which I have been very successful at doing so... But the other night my friend and I were talking and she had stated that this surgery seems like Anorexia, but with guidelines. Because I simply don't want to eat. But I get vitamins and water down. I make sure I have nutrients. But it's in a way not like anorexia at all.... I actually want to eat but don't have the appetitie. Well, my bored eating has officially gone away and I am super bored in my home with nothing to do. I think I have watched all the movies on netflix that I can stand. I try to get out of the house atleast once a day. I think it is helping out. I am tired of water and decaf teas.... But just two months for all this, I am in detox stages right now to get rid of the sugar out of my system... You never know how much you are going to miss something once you cannot have it... I am doing great though, next week I go in for my check up and permission to return to work on the 12th. I am excited.

Not At All What I Expected

IT'S BETTER!!!!!!!!!! I didn't think I would be feeling good after surgery at all, I thought it was going to be a lot of dumping (for those who don't know what dumping syndrome is, it's where you throw up and have diarrhea a lot) and lots and lots of pain! I feel fantastic. I bounced out of recovery like a champ. I got up about an hour after they delivered me to my room to go to the bathroom. I think I got up about 2 or 3 times until I was out of the anesthesia. Then about 5 hours after surgery I got up and walked around the ward where I was admitted into after surgery. I would walk alot and not slowly. All the nurses would tell me that I didn't even look like I had surgery. Ever thing emotionally was fine for the first 3 days. But when I was discharged and went home I went a little over emotional and kinda crazy, it had to do with the pain meds and some even think the anesthesia had a play in it as well. I was mean and not myself to people who I would talk to regularly. Well I am proud to say that I have been off my pain meds since Monday 8/22/2011. I never want to go back on them again. As of Tuesday 8/23/2011 I have been able to eat real food. I am excited about that because broth and sugar free jello are on the bottom of my list for the rest of my life!

The surgeon said that I saved my own life. My liver had been so enlarged that it would have gone into failure at a fairly young age and I would have died if I didn't do this surgery. I am very happy that I made the decision to get this surgery. It's a life change for the better.

How Did It Arrive So Fast?

I cannot believe that I only have one and a half work days left and then I will be done with work for three weeks. I am prepared, but then again I am not prepared. It's a reality finally coming into play. Last August, when I went home to see my mom and dad, my mom asked me to look into the surgery, Mike's aunt took my blood sugar which wound up being extremely high for average, and then not being able to partake on a couple activities that his family went and did while we were on vacation in Montana all because of my weight were all factors in why I decided to get the weight loss surgery. I want my life back and this disease is taking over it. I want to be able to go horseback ridding and not have to worry that I am "over the limit" or looked at in another weird way because I am abnormally huge.

I really didn't think that when I set out looking into the surgery that I would actually go through it. I thought it was expensive, afraid my insurance wouldn't cover it, and get lot of judgement because I was making a decision to alter my life..... Well one of those three were wrong.... it's still expensive, and I got very harsh judgement for deciding what is right for me. My insurance is definitely going to cover it.

I was able to pick my own insurance plan, building it to where my out of pocket is going to be only $1,500 for the enrollment year, I am completely happy with that price tag. I took out an Flexible Spending Account where I put $1,500 on it so I can just tell the hospital to take it all and be done with it. And have the money taken out of my paycheck. I recommend FSA's to anyone who has the option to use one. They are a blessing in disguise.

The harsh judgement I had was from someone who is close to me. I couldn't believe that she was the one who would judge me so hard because she had struggled with weight as much as me. A few people from support group thought she was jealous and didn't have the means of getting surgery. Who knows? I finally had to not talk to her about surgery because I felt it's not her decision, she is not going to talk me out of it, and for all the people she has talked out of it, I would love to talk to them and tell them to reconsider, she doesn't know your medical history, she's not a doctor. All she knows is that yes with hard work you lose weight, if you need extra help by all means look into something that is going to help you, use your own judgement, not someone else's. She really put a lot of stress on me. I hated talking to her. I still kinda do. It's none of her business if I get this surgery. I am doing this to prevent health problems and get rid of my existing health problems. She was the reason why I am not really putting a lot of detail on my Facebook about my surgery. I don't need the harsh judgement.

Mentally, I am ready in more ways then not ready. I was sitting talking to my friend at work today and we were looking at the guide that my surgeon's office gave me for my handbook for the surgery, and it occurred to me.... HOLY COW my stomach is going to be in pieces. OMG!!!!!! Surprisingly, I am not excited about it one bit.... I am ready for the surgery, I am happy I am getting the surgery. But I don't know if I am psyching myself out because I am so ready for this.

I am one for buyers remorse for even buying an item. I think I got my remorse out a couple weeks ago with the surgery. Support groups have helped so much. I am glad that I have gone to the ones that are provided by my surgeons office and joined an online club. I am a strong person and I know that I am going to do very very well.